Everybody has needs, and in order to create harmony we need to have our needs met. First step is being aware of our needs. Our emotions give us feedback when a need is unmet. When you have a negative feeling you have an unmet need. So having awareness will help you to create change in real time.
When something is hurting them or affecting them (especially in relationship to other people) usually there is an unmet need.
How do you figure out what need is unmet?
What are the top 10-15 needs that stand out from this list?
For each of the above how satisfied are your needs out of 10?
For those 7 and below what strategies do you have currently? What can you create to bring to 8 or above.
What needs are related?
What are strategies to get more of this in your life?
1-3 strategies daily, put into practice, ask them how they can put into practice. Bring Prompts into the next session with your client.
Core wounds and unmet needs can work together. Sometimes a limiting belief can block a need getting met. So if you can reprogram a core belief you can meet needs. Also if you are blocked on a need it’s probably due to a limiting belief or core wound.
Every person has needs and every person has unique needs based on their upbringing and programming
For example – you may have a partner in a relationship or friendship you have and they need peace and harmony and you need freedom and autonomy and these effect all of our relationships tremendously and how we interact with each other and the world..
Your needs have a direct impact on your emotional state.
They are governing you all day every day whether you are aware of them or not.
When they are met you feel fulfilled and when they are unmet you get negative feelings that come up because you are getting feedback from your emotions that something is missing.
For example the body is always giving you feedback. When you are thirsty or hungry you get thirst or hunger pangs. When you are missing connection, you feel lonely.
Each of us have unique needs that have a different order and priority in our lives.
For me it’s social connection, novelty, spiritual connection, freedom. When covid happened all of these negative emotions came up around the needs that were being taken away from my environment.
When I then moved to Costa Rica my needs were fulfilled and I felt better. We all have the ability to pivot and meet our needs once we understand what they are.
We can empower our relationships when we can communicate our needs.
We can express how we wish to be supported in meeting our needs, and vice versa.
5 Steps to knowing realizing your needs
- Understanding and Awareness – The first step is to understand needs and how everyone has unique needs and that they effect the world and your relationships.
- Emotional Connection – Not only does everyone have a unique set of needs, these needs and whether they are being met or not will have a direct effect on the emotions we feel and experience.
- Review Needs List – Take some time and review the needs list in the appendix below Circle your needs (or get Client to go through the list and circle which ones stand out to them)
- Rank Your Needs – Score each need you identify on a scale from 1-10. How fulfilled do you feel around each one?
- Create Strategies – Ask yourself what things can you do to have these needs met? Can you think outside the box and try something new? Sometimes our environment will rob the strategies we are used to using to get our needs met. In these cases we will need to create new ways to meet our needs.
Take Covid lockdowns for example – The forced isolation we all experienced could be extremely challenging for an extroverted person who has a high need for connection.
There are endless strategies if we think outside of the box to get our needs met.
A monk can get a high need of connection through isolation and connection to nature or god vs a person who is used to getting connection at work who now has to work from home.
Your Environment and Needs
Your personal environment is made up of many things, thats why having a good environment, where many of your needs can be easily met is so important to feeling fulfilled and happy. We are not always in control of our environment and many of us are afraid of change.
The environment is not just the physical space but includes all of our relations, on a high level it encompasses the 7 areas of life.
As things change in our environment (the environment changes and old strategies no longer work or are compromised) we can pivot our strategies, although it may be painful and challenging we have the ability to adapt. How can you find more ways to connect? Joining online zoom calls and being more vulnerable in those conversations to create a deeper connection could be a strategy to try? What other strategies can you think of in this situation.
The coach’s job will be ask the client to get creative to come up with potential new strategies.
Relation to Core Wounds
We always like to address core wounds first. They are the deeper layer of beliefs that really effect our lives in many different ways and can be both subconscious and conscious.
As you’re core wounds change (and heal) you will evolve to higher level needs.
Imagine 15 years ago you felt trapped based on experiences from your childhood, perhaps you had an authoritarian parent that didn’t allow you to do anything. May this caused you to become more rebellious in nature and had needs of seeking freedom and autonomy.
In that situation a strategy you could have adopted to satisfy your needs could be to push someone out of the way to create space. Sometimes trying to meet our needs can lead us to do drastic or unhealthy things to avoid or try to reduce pain and suffering we experience.
When someone is not triggered and not in survival mode we can usually create more creative strategies to meet needs.
Needs will create programs in your subconscious mind. Healing the core wound won’t necessarily eliminate the need completely but can significantly reduce the emotional response. It can also help you to express your needs in a healthier way.
The “I am trapped” core wound would create a need for freedom. When you heal the wound or belief you can still love freedom and express it in a healthy way, and be way less triggered or emotional when your freedom becomes threatened.
On the other hand, unhealed (aware or not) Core wounds can magnify the unhealthy expression of needs.
Ask yourself or your client –
What would you need to feel relief?
What would you need to feel better?
If you can change the circumstance what need is that?
Incorporating Into Breathwork Sessions
After working through the mindwork sessions we can start moving into needs. We will follow the process above and then start to end sessions exploring needs deeper.
Simple Needs Script
Think of or remember a real life experience where you felt unfulfilled or your needs were unmet.
A time you felt upset and or emotional or unfulfilled in a certain area of life?
What needs show up in this experience that were not being met that made you feel that way?
Go into those feelings.
What is coming up for you?
What are some ways you can have these needs met? How would you feel?
(Keep digging and using specific needs as prompts from your previous sessions. The key here is to allow the client to explore so we want to be careful to not try to lead them into what we think but use inquisitive and intuitive questioning) for the beginning of the meditation we suggest leaving it as vague as possible to allow for things they were not conscious or aware of to come up)
Once complete you can move into your regular coaching session with the client.
You can download the Needs List here. This is a great tool to have on hand in your sessions to help clients identify their needs.